There is a woman that used to be in my ward. Before I knew her, she seemed loud and opinionated and outspoken; but also a lot of fun and high energy. She has a really nice smile and when she shared it - did so generously. I really wanted to meet her - something about her intimated me but also made me want to know her.
She was in my ward as a result of the stake boundaries being redrawn. I didn't know it at the time, but she was NOT happy about the changes. She is an extremely talented woman and I had seen her talents showcased several times but never had an opportunity to express my appreciation. So when she moved into the ward, I made it a point to introduce myself and tell her how much I appreciated her sharing her talents with everyone. Well, that first introduction didn't go well. Without asking me for my name or saying it was nice to meet you too, she snapped quickly at me to tell me how much she did not want to be in the ward and that she has other talents besides just the ones I mentioned. I was quite taken aback and tried to avoid her from there on out.
Well, I didn't have much to do with her after that. She would bear her testimony in church sometimes or teach a lesson in YW and it always rubbed me the wrong way. She was just kind of harsh in her delivery. They called her to be the camp director the year I was going as a leader. And let me tell you, we did NOT see eye to eye - on just about anything. There were several things that came up before camp and during camp that I was fuming about. I disagreed with her but the YW President wouldn't let me get involved. I was very judgmental of this woman and didn't have anything nice to say about her.
A couple years later, I was now the YW president and the bishop wanted to call this same woman to be camp director...again. I was like, "are you crazy? You were there - you remember what happened at camp that one time." And the bishop said he knew, but wanted me to give it another try. I put a lot of trust in him when I said ok, and tried to put my trust and faith in Heavenly Father that I would be able to "put up with her" for that summer.
She and I had some friction early on in the planning phase. She overreacted to things that I just didn't think mattered and that I didn't want to worry about. There were a lot of other things that I felt were more important. One logistical concern in particular really had her worked up and I just couldn't deal with the drama or match her level of concern about it. And I was starting to get really frustrated with the situation. I wasn't sure how to approach her because I could feel myself coming unglued again. I prayed about it and felt like it would be best to express my point of view in a kind but very direct and matter of fact way to this woman. I did...and something amazing happened. She said, ok - I don't agree but I can accept your point of view.
From that point forward, she and I never had a single issue. We were in lockstep with each other on the planning. I understood her and what she was concerned about and how she dealt with things and was able to make changes to alleviate her pressure points. And she also now understood the same things about me and asked my opinion on things before getting upset. She made camp a very special experience and it was probably the best YM's camp I have ever attended.
She became a real friend and for the first time, I saw the woman behind the prickly outside. She has an enormous heart. She is incredibly loyal to those she loves. She has a fierce testimony and moral code of doing what is right. She is a strong worker and cares very much that people see her efforts for what they are and not for her imperfections. She is passionate and puts real energy towards the causes she believes in. I love her and we are still friends today. I think she is an incredible woman. And when I interact with her, I sometimes marvel at how I ever could have thought less of her.
This experience taught me that we underestimate people and don't really know them as well as we think we do.
What a great experience for both of you. I’m sure she learned and stretched a lot with these interactions, as well. How wonderful that a beautiful friendship came out of it all! Love it.
I make snap judgements a lot and I also don’t make friends easily so I could list a lot of people that were difficult to deal with in the beginning 🙈. I’ve come a long way but it’s constantly a work in progress for me. The most recent that comes to mind is one of my employees. We didn’t have a lot of respect for one another right off the bat. It was pretty rocky. She was blunt and rude and very backhanded. It’s miserable to work with people that you don’t get along with so I prayed very hard and got a lot of advice from Shawn on how to, at the very least, have a nice professional relationship with this person. Ultimately, we were coincidentally put in a position for about 2 months that made us the only two at work. I killed here with SO much kindness during this time and it slowly started to work. In the end, I consider her a friend and she I. I even threw a huge party for her last week. Funny how things turn out, sometimes. Thank goodness.
We've moved a number of times, and in the last 5 years have had a number of neighbors move in and out. We love getting to know our neighbors and have gotten to be good enough friends with them that we at least have phone numbers and have texted with people living in 7 of the houses closest to ours. It always takes some time though, especially since you hardly ever see anyone outside in the winter time.
A few years ago, Steve & Lynn moved in across the street. Lynn was immediately friendly. She said she had joined the church some 14 years earlier but had since become inactive. Lynn told me not to bother Steve about the church at all - he grew up in Idaho Falls, had been inactive since his youth and was NOT interested.
This warning from Lynn, plus Steve's gruff appearance and lack of response when I would say, "Hi" made me kind of afraid of him. Eventually we talked to Steve and found out he was hard of hearing (not ignoring our hellos) and was one of the nicest neighbors we've ever had.
Steve is a welder and welds beautiful artistic pieces. He gave us the flower pot hanger he made that hangs outside our front door. He would help Spencer and me with house and yard projects, and he would leave pennies on the driveway so the kids could find "lucky pennies". He gave the kids a magnet set they love to play with and even bought them things a few times when he went out shopping at garage sales (one of his favorite hobbies). We enjoyed many evening chats with Steve in his driveway when he would be out with his dogs and we would return from a walk.
Steve and Lynn moved 18 months ago, and I miss them. We've been able to visit them a few times since their move. I'm glad my initial judgement of Steve was wrong and we got to enjoy a great friendship.
There is a woman that used to be in my ward. Before I knew her, she seemed loud and opinionated and outspoken; but also a lot of fun and high energy. She has a really nice smile and when she shared it - did so generously. I really wanted to meet her - something about her intimated me but also made me want to know her.
ReplyDeleteShe was in my ward as a result of the stake boundaries being redrawn. I didn't know it at the time, but she was NOT happy about the changes. She is an extremely talented woman and I had seen her talents showcased several times but never had an opportunity to express my appreciation. So when she moved into the ward, I made it a point to introduce myself and tell her how much I appreciated her sharing her talents with everyone. Well, that first introduction didn't go well. Without asking me for my name or saying it was nice to meet you too, she snapped quickly at me to tell me how much she did not want to be in the ward and that she has other talents besides just the ones I mentioned. I was quite taken aback and tried to avoid her from there on out.
Well, I didn't have much to do with her after that. She would bear her testimony in church sometimes or teach a lesson in YW and it always rubbed me the wrong way. She was just kind of harsh in her delivery. They called her to be the camp director the year I was going as a leader. And let me tell you, we did NOT see eye to eye - on just about anything. There were several things that came up before camp and during camp that I was fuming about. I disagreed with her but the YW President wouldn't let me get involved. I was very judgmental of this woman and didn't have anything nice to say about her.
A couple years later, I was now the YW president and the bishop wanted to call this same woman to be camp director...again. I was like, "are you crazy? You were there - you remember what happened at camp that one time." And the bishop said he knew, but wanted me to give it another try. I put a lot of trust in him when I said ok, and tried to put my trust and faith in Heavenly Father that I would be able to "put up with her" for that summer.
She and I had some friction early on in the planning phase. She overreacted to things that I just didn't think mattered and that I didn't want to worry about. There were a lot of other things that I felt were more important. One logistical concern in particular really had her worked up and I just couldn't deal with the drama or match her level of concern about it. And I was starting to get really frustrated with the situation. I wasn't sure how to approach her because I could feel myself coming unglued again. I prayed about it and felt like it would be best to express my point of view in a kind but very direct and matter of fact way to this woman. I did...and something amazing happened. She said, ok - I don't agree but I can accept your point of view.
From that point forward, she and I never had a single issue. We were in lockstep with each other on the planning. I understood her and what she was concerned about and how she dealt with things and was able to make changes to alleviate her pressure points. And she also now understood the same things about me and asked my opinion on things before getting upset. She made camp a very special experience and it was probably the best YM's camp I have ever attended.
She became a real friend and for the first time, I saw the woman behind the prickly outside. She has an enormous heart. She is incredibly loyal to those she loves. She has a fierce testimony and moral code of doing what is right. She is a strong worker and cares very much that people see her efforts for what they are and not for her imperfections. She is passionate and puts real energy towards the causes she believes in. I love her and we are still friends today. I think she is an incredible woman. And when I interact with her, I sometimes marvel at how I ever could have thought less of her.
This experience taught me that we underestimate people and don't really know them as well as we think we do.
What a great experience for both of you. I’m sure she learned and stretched a lot with these interactions, as well. How wonderful that a beautiful friendship came out of it all! Love it.
DeleteI'm glad things turned around!
DeleteI make snap judgements a lot and I also don’t make friends easily so I could list a lot of people that were difficult to deal with in the beginning 🙈. I’ve come a long way but it’s constantly a work in progress for me.
ReplyDeleteThe most recent that comes to mind is one of my employees. We didn’t have a lot of respect for one another right off the bat. It was pretty rocky. She was blunt and rude and very backhanded.
It’s miserable to work with people that you don’t get along with so I prayed very hard and got a lot of advice from Shawn on how to, at the very least, have a nice professional relationship with this person. Ultimately, we were coincidentally put in a position for about 2 months that made us the only two at work. I killed here with SO much kindness during this time and it slowly started to work. In the end, I consider her a friend and she I. I even threw a huge party for her last week.
Funny how things turn out, sometimes. Thank goodness.
Yay! I'm glad she became a friend ♡
DeleteWe've moved a number of times, and in the last 5 years have had a number of neighbors move in and out. We love getting to know our neighbors and have gotten to be good enough friends with them that we at least have phone numbers and have texted with people living in 7 of the houses closest to ours. It always takes some time though, especially since you hardly ever see anyone outside in the winter time.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, Steve & Lynn moved in across the street. Lynn was immediately friendly. She said she had joined the church some 14 years earlier but had since become inactive. Lynn told me not to bother Steve about the church at all - he grew up in Idaho Falls, had been inactive since his youth and was NOT interested.
This warning from Lynn, plus Steve's gruff appearance and lack of response when I would say, "Hi" made me kind of afraid of him. Eventually we talked to Steve and found out he was hard of hearing (not ignoring our hellos) and was one of the nicest neighbors we've ever had.
Steve is a welder and welds beautiful artistic pieces. He gave us the flower pot hanger he made that hangs outside our front door. He would help Spencer and me with house and yard projects, and he would leave pennies on the driveway so the kids could find "lucky pennies". He gave the kids a magnet set they love to play with and even bought them things a few times when he went out shopping at garage sales (one of his favorite hobbies). We enjoyed many evening chats with Steve in his driveway when he would be out with his dogs and we would return from a walk.
Steve and Lynn moved 18 months ago, and I miss them. We've been able to visit them a few times since their move. I'm glad my initial judgement of Steve was wrong and we got to enjoy a great friendship.
I am always a little blindsided when my first impressions are way off base like that but I am also always glad when they are. What a great story!
Delete